Failure is the Only Opportunity to Begin Again
by skiergal
Summary: Please God, let him take me back.ADDEK!The best, BEST couple ever. Sorry to the MerDer's.....I can sympathize, but not support...
1. Screwing My Husband

There is just not enough ADDEK fanfic out there. And, I truly believe that they should be together. So, you all get this.

_Everything in italics is thought_

**Summary: **ONESHOT. How I think it all should have gone.

**Disclaimer:** I own none, Shonda owns all. Bummer.

Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd walked into the lobby of the Seattle Grace Hospital, took one look around, and saw her target. Standing next to the woman she assumed was his mistress. _That smug bastard grin is about to be wiped off his face._ She thought to herself, as she strode across the marble floor. She knew the instant that he saw her, because his face turned a marvelous shade of off-white.

"Addison. What _are _you doing here?"

"Well, you would know, if you had bothered to return any one of my phone calls."

She looked at Meredith, sizing her up in an instant.

"Hi." Addison said, extending her hand to Meredith. "I'm Addison Shepherd."

Meredith stood for a moment, contemplating what the stunning woman had just said.

"Shepherd?" Meredith asked.

"And you must be the woman," she gestured to Derek, "Who's screwing my husband."

Meredith stood, transfixed, holding Derek's wife's hand, her mind still processing the information that had just been dumped on her. Abruptly she dropped Addison's hand, and turned on her heel, and walked from the couple. Meredith could hear Derek yelling for her to wait, as he frantically gathered his things, but she didn't. She walked into the rain, not caring for an instant about the cashmere sweater that she currently had on. All she wanted was to get away from him.

Inside, Derek turned on Addison, after it became evident that Meredith was not going to wait for him. And, he had some anger that needed working out. And Addison was standing less than two feet away from him. But, as he opened his mouth to speak, she took the opportunity, and laid her mouth on top of his, jamming her tongue into his mouth before he could process what was happening. He felt her familiar lips, with some vigor, before realizing what was happening. He shoved her away, and took several steps back himself, running his fingers through his longish, black, wavy hair.

"What the HELL do you think you are doing Addison Forbes?" He yelled, as he stood on the marble floor, angrily glaring at the redhead in front of him.

"Kissing my _husband._" She replied, her half smile of confidence gracing her features. Derek stood, stunned, before he replied.

"No, Addison, we are not together. Look," he held up his left hand, "No ring."

She looked at his hand, and then grasped it with her right hand, while holding up her own left hand.

"Luckily, I still have mine."

After Addison's rather forward entrance, Derek decided that he needed a drink. And with the headache that he knew was coming, he didn't much care if Addison happened to be with him.

Several drinks later, Derek was much more talkative. And Addison was using it to her advantage. When Richard had called, Addison had half-heartedly agreed to come. It was only after a much needed AND deserved kick in the butt from Nancy Shepherd that she got on the red eye from New York to Seattle. And, during the five hours she was on the plane, she had come up with a plan to get Derek back.

"Hey, Addddddy, what're you doin here? I thougg you were in New Yerk." Derek slurred. As it turned out, Addison had been wrong all those years; the man really couldn't hold his liquor. (or maybe it had to do with the straight vodka he'd been drinking steadily for the last two hours…)

"Well," she said, tossing her scarlet hair over her shoulder, and smiling sexily at him, "I missed you." On the outside, she appeared confident. But, on the inside, her stomach was doing acrobatic tricks. She wasn't sure if it was because of nerves, or that the man she loved with all her heart was sitting in front of her.

"I didn misss youu." He replied, banging his head on the bar. Addison's smile waned. It was going to be harder than she expected to stay sober with him talking like he had been.

So, she paid the check, and led a drunken Derek to her rental, praying he wouldn't regurgitate his vodka all over the front half of the car.

When they arrived at the hotel, Addison and Derek got on the elevator. As the doors closed, and Addison pressed the button for the 18th floor, she felt an odd sensation. Then, the lights dimmed, and the elevator grinded to a halt, halfway between the first and second floors.

_Could today get any worse?_ She asked herself, as she kicked off her Prada pumps, and watched as Derek lowered himself shakily to the floor. He had his head in his hands, and appeared to be already suffering from the vodka. Then, he looked up at her blearily, and saw her look of amusement and confusion, and decided to fix that. So, all the sudden, Addison found herself on the floor, courtesy of the half-drunk man himself.

"So, Addyson, how're you been?" He asked, his head lolling slowly from side to side. Addison considered her options, and then decided to tell him about the last six months, considering he wouldn't remember a single moment of their conversation in the morning.

"Well, I slept with Mark, got pregnant, aborted the child, and now I'm stuck in an elevator with my drunk husband, who is currently feeling me up. So, all in all, I've had better days."

"Poor Addyson," Derek mumbled, as sleep started to cloud his mind. "Love you Addy," he finished. His head lolled to the side, and his neck craned at an awkward angle, as sleep finally claimed him

Addison gasped, and felt tears form. She was surprised there were any left, after the massive breakdown that she felt had utterly consumed her since that fateful night when Derek had walked in on her and Mark, in the middle of passionate embrace.

She closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the carpeted wall, pulling Derek's head into her lap. As she smoothed his hair back, and drank in his scent, she fully realized how much she had missed him. And her resolve further hardened. Addison was an independent woman. She was strong, courageous, and had been told many times that she was gorgeous. But, her one weakness had always been Derek. And she fully intended to keep it that way.

She let herself fall into a less than blissful sleep, knowing that the morning would bring pain beyond her worst nightmares.

So, she shifted down onto the floor, and wrapped Derek's powerful arms around her. And she knew that if he was beside her, she would be okay.

Tomorrow, she had to answer to him. But, his final goodnight words had given her hope. Hope that they could be Addison and Derek once more.

_**a/n: Yea, nay? Should I continue? Reviews are appreciated!**_


	2. On the Way Down

**Summary**: Addison and Derek should be together. End of story. Therefore, because the writers have failed me completely, I have decided how it should have been.

**Disclaimer: **I own, none, Shonda owns all. If I owned SGH, Derek and Addison would be in love, with 2.5 children, and a white picket fence.

_**A/N: **__This story goes pretty much AU from here. Enjoy!_

Chapter 2: On the Way Down

The elevator restarted with a shake, and the lights flickered, bringing Derek from his formerly dazed, hang-over from hell, state. He tried to raise his head, but failed, watching the inside of the elevator swim. He closed his eyes, and when he reopened them, tried to focus them, in vain.

He sat up, and focused on the black and red blob currently positioned at an awkward angle against the green walls of the elevator. As the elevator came to a stop, he realized that the blob was Addison. And then his nose started to pick up on the smells surrounding them. The most prevalent was that of Addison's Burberry perfume; the perfume that he loved. He groaned. He was not in a position to deal with his wife and his headache at the same time.

The elevator bell dinged as they reached what he assumed was Addison's floor. He searched blindly for her key card, pulling it out of the bottomless pit that was her purse. She was still asleep, and so he roughly picked her up in a half baby-half fireman's carry and trudged down the hallway.

With skills of a surgeon, he managed to unlock the door, and open it, still holding Addison. He dumped her on the bed, and started to undress her, more out of habit than anything else.

He knew that she hated sleeping in her clothing. She had always been adamant about that – even if the clothes were sweats. His eyes grazed over her body as he undressed her; her beautiful neck, and her soft cheeks; her flat stomach and her shapely legs. He felt a tug at his heart, and kissed her softly on the forehead, splaying her red hair around her serene face. He stood by her bed for a moment, watching her eyes flicker occasionally, and gazing at her through sleep-deprived hooded eyes. Then, as he watched her sleep, the events of the last months starting playing through his mind like a slideshow. And he remembered.

He saw Addison and Mark in bed together; he saw Meredith; he saw the hospital and Richard. He returned his eyes to her face, but instead of the hatred he had expected to feel – and wanted to feel- towards the woman he had given his heart to, he felt only remorse. And it was scaring the hell out of him.

She was gorgeous when awake, but had an air of "come near me and die". However, when she slept, all of the confidence and poise she displayed was gone, and all that was left was the woman he was currently standing over. That was the real Addison. The woman that didn't give a damn about what other people's opinion was of her, as long as she knew she was put together. And that woman had cheated on him, with his best friend.

But, hard as he tried, the anger didn't come, only sadness. This surprised him, and he planned to completely blame it on the inane amount of alcohol still in his system. You weren't supposed to feel sorry for your adulteress wife.

He backed towards the door, keeping his eye on the sleeping woman in front of him. However, Addison's suitcase was right behind him, and he tripped over it, falling to the ground with a "thump" and letting a string of curses out. As Derek picked the suitcase up, a wad of paper fell out of the partially opened zipper. He glanced furtively back at the still-sleeping Addison, and then eased himself into a chair, and opened the packet of papers. The first sheet was a letter, addressed to him.

_Dear Derek, _

_Words cannot express the hurt that I feel right now. I did what_

_I had always sworn I wouldn't do. I broke the one that loved me. _

_For that I will be eternally sorry. You have to understand, though, as you_

_read these following pages, I will always love you. No matter what, you _

_will always be my first love. I gave myself to you wholly when we _

_married, and I will never regret that. But, I will always regret hurting you._

_Hopefully, you will never see this letter, and the following pages. But,_

_If it happens that you do decide that I'm not worthy to take back, you_

_will. Please God, make him take me back. Please. _

_Addison 3_

Derek noticed that the note appeared to be stained by drops of water. _'Tears?' _he thought to himself. The next sheet of paper was printed on the letterhead of their estate attorney in New York City. They were divorce papers, with Addison's signature on the dotted line of every one. He felt his heart clench. With anger or sadness, he didn't know, but he knew that he was sobering, and that he couldn't be within Addison's vicinity, or else she would be on the receiving end of his current emotional dilemma.

Derek finished flipping through the divorce papers, and the last thing he found was a picture of him and Addison, at his sister's house. It was from a Christmas two years back, and showed them standing under the mistletoe at the front door, locked in a passionate embrace, with snow dusted over them. His sister Kathleen had jokingly said that they should send it to a photo contest, because it was so picture-perfect. They had all gotten a good laugh, but later that week, Derek had entered it. He was the only one besides Kathleen to know, but the picture had won second place.

A soft snort from Addison's side of the room shook Derek from his memories, and he carefully folded the picture back into the papers, and stuffed the papers in the suitcase. He stuck his head into the bedroom one last time to look at Addison, sleeping in tranquility, before he carefully made his way to the door.

Derek walked the mile back to Joe's, where his car was, and unlocked the door, drinking in the faux peace of the streets. The sun was rising, and the beams were hitting the buildings, making the rain pools from the previous night sparkle. The fog was clearing off of the bay, and it was looking like it was going to be one of Seattle's few beautiful days.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. He had a surgery at 8:30 and a Senior Staff Meeting at 11. He assumed this was when he would learn why Addison was in Seattle. As much as Addison was forward, she would never come to the hospital without Richard asking her. And he would bet money that Richard was playing a less than small role in Addison's appearance in Seattle.

Derek sat in his car, staring out at the water in the distance, and the rays of sunlight that were just peaking on the horizon. His mind traveled back to Addison. He was confused when it came to her; the onslaught of emotions that he had felt while being near her made him angry, because he WANTED to be angry at her. But, for some reason, he couldn't will himself to be.

His day, after starting well, watching the fog clear off the bay, had gone from good to bad, because his patient went into cardiac arrest on the table, as he was no less than 5 inches inside his brain – with a drill. By the time they had cleared the patient for the paddles, it was too late. The monitor had been flat lining for just under two minutes, and try as they might, they had been unable to save the man.

"Time of death," Derek said, "1037".

From the scrub room, he headed straight to Richard's office. He needed a word with "The Man".

"Derek," the chief greeted him, "what can I do for you?" Derek didn't respond, just stared at him.

"Chief, why is Ad…" he was cut off by his pager. He looked at it, and recognized it as a 911. "Nevermind. I don't think I'll be at the meeting, I just got a 911."

Richard nodded, and waved Derek off, turning back to his computer screen, trying to analyze email that had just arrived in his inbox. It was from Addison.

"Dear Richard, blah blah blah, WHAT!!" He exclaimed, scanning the remainder of the email. "No way Addie. No way." He grabbed his coat and hat, asked Patricia to tell all of the senior staff that the meeting was rescheduled for 2:30, and ran out the door, headed to the SeaTac International Airport.

"No you don't Addison. Not this time. You don't give up." He muttered under his breath, as the wheels of his car squealed against the road, protesting the turn.

Derek was at the ambulance when he saw the Chief's BMW roar down the road. He shrugged. Something was up with Richard – he had been distracted when Derek had gone to see him earlier.

Just then, the EMT grabbed his arm, and started listing the meds that they had administered to the guy in the ambulance, and Derek's mind was immediately back in his work. Though, in the recesses of his mind, he was going over reasons that Richard, knowing he had a staff meeting in slightly less than 10 minutes, was leaving the hospital at such a speed.


	3. Ruler of All That is Evil

**Summary**: Addison and Derek should be together. End of story. Therefore, because the writers have failed me completely, I have decided how it should have been.

**Disclaimer: **I own, none, Shonda owns all. If I owned SGH, Derek and Addison would be in love, with 2.5 children, and a white picket fence.

Ruler of All That is Evil

When Richard entered the staff meeting that morning, he got several strange looks, because behind him he was dragging a woman who looked to be in her mid – 30's, with fiery hair, piercing green eyes, and the highest heels that anyone in that room had every seen. Every inch of her being screamed "Manhattan socialite".

"Okay everyone, let's get started." Richard announced, pointing the woman to a chair. "As I'm sure most of you have noticed, we have a guest with us today. This is Addison Montgomery – Shepherd. She is a world-renowned neonatal surgeon, and OB-GYN. She is here to consult on the high-risk pregnancy that we admitted last week. I expect everyone to treat her with utmost respect and dignity." With the last phrase, Richard aimed his attention at Derek, who at that moment found the back of his hand fascinating.

The meeting continued on, and Addison settled in, feeling Derek's eyes on the back of her neck. He was currently trying to quell the urge to scream at her. All of the compassion from the early morning was gone, and he was left with a feeling of hurt so deep, and so rooted in passion, that it took all his power not to stand up and give Addison a piece of his mind.

Some time later, after Richard had adjourned the meeting, Derek was still sitting in the conference room, waiting to talk to the Chief – whom Addison was currently having a heated discussion with. He tried in vain to read the Chief's lips, but all he could make out was his name and "Seattle Grace".

Fifteen minutes later, Addison left Richard's office with a quick kiss to his cheek. She pointedly ignored Derek as she passed, and Derek followed her with his eyes, his head propped in one hand, before hearing a not so subtle cough from the Chief. He was standing against the doorway, also watching Addison, but upon feeling Derek's gaze, turned to him.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened?"

Derek looked at Richard through glazed eyes.

"No. It's not my story to tell."

Richard glared at him, then squinted his eyes shut, and pinched the bridge of his nose. Without looking at Derek, he said,

"She told me. Sent me an email this morning."

"Good for her." He replied, using his patented "indifferent" tone.

"She's not going to wait for you forever, you know."

Derek opened his mouth to retort, to say that he, in fact, was the wronged party. But, Richard held up his hand.

"She may have cheated, but you are unworthy of her, if you let someone as talented, beautiful, and intellectual as Addison Forbes Montgomery slip from your grasp." And with that, he turned into his office, and shut the door.

Derek stood up indignantly, squelching the demon inside of him that insisted that the Chief's words had merit.

"Satan's got my boss wrapped around her finger. Great."

GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA

Derek groaned as he watched Addison and Dr. Bailey talking. "Great." He thought to himself. "A week, and she's already got the entire hospital under her spell." He turned to the elevators, and stood contemplating his bad luck. Just then, Meredith walked up to him, and dropped a box at his feet, before turning on her heel and stalking away. Addison strolled up to him at that moment, and while tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, said, her voice laced with sarcasm,

"Tssk, tsk, Derek. Is the girlfriend mad about the wife?" He turned to her, his eyes showing the mental anguish that had enveloped him since her arrival.

"What do you want, Addison?"

She clipped open her briefcase, handed him a folder of papers, and as the elevator "dinged", she stepped on.

"My flight is tomorrow at noon. I'm flying Delta." And with that, she pressed the button for her floor, and the doors closed on him.

He recognized the folder, and opened it. But, the top sheet had changed. Instead of the note that he had read in the hotel room a week ago, another one replaced it.

_Dear Derek,_

_At the risk of sounding corny, I just wanted to tell you what our marriage has meant to me. You have been my everything for 11 years. You have been my confidant, my advisor, my lover, and most importantly, you have been my friend. When I met you, the first day of Gross Anatomy, I thought that you were the most pompous, arrogant jerk I had ever met. But, my view of you changed drastically, and here I am, 15 years later, ending the friendship that we shared for so long. I screwed up, Derek. I've come to terms with that, and maybe you will too, eventually. But, for now, know this. I love you. Forever and for always. _

_Love, Me. _

Derek folded the piece of paper, and stuck it in his coat pocket. He climbed in the elevator, and started to think. And, all the way home, he thought. He thought about his marriage, and Addison, and Meredith. And that was when Addison's words struck home. Meredith was the anti-Addison. Where Addison was strong, Meredith was weak. While Addison didn't need anyone to complete here, Meredith was at a loss without a warm body next to hers. Addison didn't need Derek's approval, or anyone else's. Meredith hung onto Derek's every word. When Addison gave you the look, you got the hell out of her way. And when Meredith gave you the look, you felt bad for her. And so, Derek knew what he had to do. And he was not looking forward to it. But, Meredith didn't deserve to be led on the way that he was leading her.


End file.
